i never say how i feel on this thing or at all...and i never did so i am now so please DoNt FoRgEt because trust me i never will....

 ....thats all i want from you...   ANYWAYS, this is what i never said i lied when i said you weren't my first love...i just didn't want you to know...i just never told you.

Today is a different day with different situations but i thought you should know...you weren't my longest relationship, you were my best memories.

So thank you because i think about them and smile atleast 4 times a day... i think of calling you every single day but i don't;

 because i wan't to leave them as good memories ...

I don't want you to hate me because i could never hate you...but i didnt let go and appearantly i can't move on till i do...

...no really... i just wanted to let you know even though i don't know if you care or not...

 AnD,

Heidi

so everyone yesterday just might have been a day for eating tons of food for you but i made a HUGE decision yesterday ...i am no longer engaged... i have been so stressed out and it turns out i felt so much better after i told him... i am too young to get  married and especially if im not sure that i love him.....but i do love all you guys and i just thought i would share this news with you. . .

even though i should be happy about everything thats happening in my life i cant because i keep thinking of things that pull me back ... does that make any sense at all... and have  you ever known your are making a mistake but you do it anyway because you think its to late to tell the truth????(the truth that you know its a mistake)

i feel like i have signed an agreement  that  i cant break out of

so im back i just got home from the hospital they have had me there since thursday bc i have a kidney infection... bro. ray came to see me and we talked for a long time just about everything and im glad he did it really made me miss some of hebron though .... and i just to let some certain person/ people that im sorry i havent kept in touch even though my phone has messed up in the past i shouldve tried harder ...things might have even changed and people who hate me now might not have but its in the past but if you  think  you are one of those people and you except my apology leave me a comment and maybe we can hang out again or atleast  try to ....and i will NEVER forget your name